THE HOME COMING

Had Enough

2012-01-02T19:54:00.002+08:00

tired of barely holding on

2011 is finally gone

the year has come to a close

as 2011 took its final bow

and the curtains drew

lights went off

maybe what pastor said is right

that i expect too much of people

but my buddies feel that i do that only because

i too, give alot to my friends

and hence i expect alot of them

maybe then its about standards

that i set high standards for someone to be my friend

i dont see the black and white

its all but grey to me

2011 showed me many things

that family, above all, is the important

my so called church family

couldnt even stand when the storms came

and they have the cheek to want me back?

so many things have changed in this past 1 year

that i got to know my true close friends

are those who linger on, even when the times are bad

who are available almost all the time

to lend you a helping hand or a listening ear

pastor mentioned im not the only one disappointed

im not the only one going through this

then why is all this happening and no one is stopping it?

because human, in no way, can ever be perfect

in 2012 i just want to savour my time left here

with my closest of friends

and meet the right people

who would appreciate what i do and what i give

i have only 13months left before i head for studies

9months before i ORD

im stoked

im excited

that this year 2012 is gonna be awesome

i need to keep this bright mindset

and i need to find God again

but i need time

and i know God you will allow

i had enough of them

it's been a while

2011-11-26T05:26:00.003+08:00

mind is running empty

in the search for myself

i guess its right

that i adore freedom

and i cant lose myself anymore

in the midst of busyness, in the midst of lies

ive been trying to find myself

but i find myself constantly lost

many things have happened

i feel so disconnected from the world

and i cant wait to get back right out into it

i feel like an astronaut

and its been far too long

i cant wait to find reason

to find purpose

to find life

to love

i dont believe in the one anymore

no, not anymore is there a right one

its an ocean out there

of trials and error

experiments

Its you

2011-11-11T05:07:00.002+08:00

its you

why's it always you

i suddenly felt so insecure

so lonely

so torn

when i felt like my best friend had left me

again

what am i up to

sigh

jar of hearts

2011-11-05T05:11:00.002+08:00

and who do you think you are

running round leaving scars

collecting your jar of hearts

and tearing love apart

dont come back for me

dont come back at all

i suddenly understood something

the heart blocks out what hurts

it makes your mind forget memories

and mind you, happy memories can be painful

when you realise they were all built on lies

you all had me on lies

so dont expect me back at all

leave me alone

please

Ethan

Back to back

2011-11-04T03:21:00.001+08:00

I still wonder what made me believe we could go a long way as friends
The test came and we fell apart like fire
Somehow a part of me just seems to block out the memories of you
I think I'm hurt

wish you pick up

2011-11-03T23:36:00.002+08:00

only just a dream

well it seems life gets better each day

i feel lighter and better

and you with the beautiful eyes and smile

keep scooping

mistakes

2011-10-31T03:13:00.002+08:00

we all make mistakes

are we all forgiven?

seems like a bad decision made today

im not sure what i want anymore

when its gone its gone

2011-10-29T03:36:00.000+08:00

when its gone its gone

dont try to fit in where you do not belong

not sure

2011-10-27T20:35:00.003+08:00

when youre not sure who you want anymore

youre probably not sure who you are anymore

when i dreamt about you last night

i just woke up feeling so guilty and sorry

that i ever left you that many years ago

i just sat back and wonder what if

what if i remained faithful back then

what if no one knew

what if ... we

Sigh

enough to let me go

2011-10-27T03:46:00.002+08:00

Oh
I'm a wandering soul
I'm still walking the line that leads me home
Alone
All I know
I still got mountains to climb
On my own
On my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through
To let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter
Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry
You're so beautiful, tonight

Back from the dead we went through
Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied
You look beautiful tonight

But every seed dies before it grows

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through
To let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Breathe it in
And let it go
Every breath you take is not yours to own
It's not yours to hold
Do you love me enough to let me go?

whatever

2011-10-26T04:06:00.003+08:00

"whatever that was difficult

was made easy

by whatever was easy

that is now difficult"

and this will be our anthem

cause we're all about Y0u

and the world You promised

and all we have will give you praise

and the world cant stop us

living Your way, always

and the walls will come down

religions will break

and the nations will hear this sound

can you hear the sound of faith?

and all the walls are falling down

as all of the nations praise

and all the world will hear this shout

can you hear the sound of faith?

If i have wings i'd fly

cause Youre all that I need, You are

when the world caves in around me

to you i still hold on

because of you

Im Free

we must come to

2011-10-25T00:48:00.000+08:00

we must come to terms with a departure

we must realise that what was lost, now is lost

friends are like money in your wallet

the bigger they are in their value to you

the more painful it is to lose them

and sometimes we lose the small change

and we didnt even realise it

dont cry over split milk

and leave me alone

its too late

im gone

500

2011-10-24T01:16:00.001+08:00

i know this sound strange

but recent times have forced me to make decisions

that i might i regret

that i might want to forget

but its these times that changes come

and we learn to adapt

we learn to learn

and we learn to let go

i couldnt bid a farewell

i wouldnt say a hello

all else,

ethan

I wish we all could win

2011-10-21T05:18:00.001+08:00

I wish we all could win
And I feel terribly sorry for them
But I have to act this way

I know it's not easy and such
But I've opened my eyes and I've opened my ears
To now discover what purpose life could bring

It's a huge change and it's about time
That I move on and leave you all behind

Afterall, no one was really there when I was there
No one really cared when I wasn't there
It makes sense now, it all sums up

To false hope, false belief and misexpectations
I thought too highly of you all
And it's my problem not you all

And to another who might stumble across here
I understand what you said, and I respect your view
Just know that deep down I still wish for a me and you

Whether possible or feasible
It all boils down to you giving a chance
For a shot at this

No pressure
I'm easing off (:

Great world
Ben

because i don't know where to go

2011-10-20T00:07:00.003+08:00

because i don't know where to go

and i don't know how to start

I mean today

2011-10-19T03:27:00.001+08:00

You smile
I smile
If you're happy
Then so am I

her smile

2011-10-18T03:26:00.002+08:00

her smile

it just makes it all worth it

im not very good when it comes to celebrating a girl's birthday

many things were imperfect

but because of that, it made it perfect

your smile

im happy just to know you're happy

Don't Stop Believing

2011-10-17T05:14:00.001+08:00

surely but slowly

im getting to the crux of the matter

i just need to believe

and love

so hollow

2011-10-16T04:23:00.001+08:00

i wonder what's up with my recent pent up frustration

ive been lashing out

keeping in

and its not the way it should be

stop crying your heart out

2011-10-15T02:07:00.003+08:00

cause all of the stars have faded away

you'll never change what's been and gone

just take what you need and be on your way

you don't have to worry, you'll see them one day

just

stop

crying

your

heart

out

i was never there

2011-10-14T01:34:00.001+08:00

i guess i was never really there for you when you were younger

i just want to be there for you now

am i too late?

im a fool

2011-10-13T05:05:00.003+08:00

im a fool

to have loved

im a fool

to have believed

im a fool

to have hoped

im a fool

for i was idealistic

what a price to pay

Stop, Go

2011-10-11T02:07:00.001+08:00

Hold on

Stop

I need to be more confident

i find myself falling

2011-10-10T03:45:00.001+08:00

i find myself falling

falling away

falling in love

falling down

all i could see

2011-10-08T23:59:00.002+08:00

itunes up

and i typed s-e-c-r-e-t-s

i dont know what is happening right now

but im still trying to find some stability

i guess when i met you yesterday

i met up with a part of me that i've not seen for awhile

it brought me back to the ol' days when you were so little

and yet i felt so huge

just a girl trying to be strong

trying to be brave, trying to move on

you are

you're outstanding,

ben

Fall Away

2011-10-03T03:21:00.001+08:00

Something I've done that i can't outrun

Maybe you should wait

Maybe you should run

But theres something you said

that can't be undone

Fall Away

just how much

2011-10-01T03:08:00.001+08:00

just how much does it take to hold on

just how much does it take to let go

just how much does it take to let go, to hold on?

breakeven

2011-09-27T02:10:00.002+08:00

they say bad things happen for a reason

but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

while im wide awake she has no trouble sleeping

cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

what am i gonna do when the best part of me was always you

secrets

2011-09-26T00:50:00.003+08:00

secrets

"unless you start being proud of yourself,

do not expect others to be proud of you"

that was what i told someone today

and she shared about what guys would tell girls

promises

empty, promises

and they would believe it

it kind of shook me up

i realised how much ive promised many girls throughout the years

but failed to deliver

instead i disappeared

its a time to give away secrets

in return for trust

ethan

i know youre not here

2011-09-22T02:08:00.002+08:00

i know you don't read this

i know you're not here

something hit me today

i dont feel like i know you anymore

"we should never stop loving

we can only stop liking

when it is unwelcomed, it only test you

that will you become a person who just treasure responses from others

or you treasure others regardless of responses"

im someone who treasure a person for their response

and im not perfect

im still learning

to treasure you

regardless of your responses

"i love you

and i want you to know

that i love you

i will never let you go"

-By Your Side

im caught between my love

and myself

nobody's perfect

2011-09-21T01:54:00.000+08:00

because nobody's perfect

2011-09-21T01:24:00.000+08:00

"because nobody's perfect"

Strong Enough To Save

2011-09-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

lift up your head

let the rain fall on your face

you're not far from grace

and He'll break open skies to save

"sorry"

2011-09-19T18:09:00.003+08:00

i really cannot figure what is on my mind

i try not to think about it

but i still do

yet what is it?

am i disappointed?

should i be?

im not sure if i should be anymore

i don't think ive got the right to be

i thought to myself

maybe

im sorry i thought too highly of you

by your side

2011-09-19T03:06:00.002+08:00

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

-By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North

that strange joy

2011-09-18T00:40:00.003+08:00

that strange joy

you get

when you know others are living their lives well

without you

weird

"come home"

2011-09-17T20:19:00.002+08:00

"Hello world

Hope you're listening

Forgive me if I’m young

For speaking out of turn

There’s someone I’ve been missing

I think that they could be

The better half of me

They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right

But I’m tired of justifying

So I say to you..

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

So come home

I get lost in the beauty

Of everything I see

The world ain’t as half as bad

As they paint it to be

If all the sons

If all the daughters

Stopped to take it in

Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin

It might start now..Yeah

Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud

Until then

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

Ever known

So come home

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why I need you here

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why I need you here

So hear this now

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

Ever known

So come home

Come home "

I thought at first

that this song was about crying for your loved one

whos lost

to come back

but i got it so wrong

so so wrong..

its about people leaving to fight a war

and we would wish they be back

its about ourselves not being able

needing someone else to be able

in our lives

Everything that i can't be

is everything that you should be

i cant be strong

so you should be

i got it

"i have my reasons, too"

2011-09-17T20:09:00.002+08:00

"i have my reasons, too"

i never did share this with much people

except pastor

and wee

the reason why i was hoping people could come visit me

maybe because i thought no one would understand me

or no one would give a hoot

so here it goes

i faced much persecution before entering the operating theater

my dad was very much against it

my mum was

my sis was

and they kept talking about it

arguing about it with me

it didnt help that i was about to undergo my first surgery

alone

and they just had to do so

even till the last day before my op

did i share this out? no...

it didnt help that another of my best friend has gone missing

a friend of 8 years

best friend

left

gone

missing

i hate this feeling

its the same episode

as with hector

as with jie han

so painful

so.. painful

did i share this out? no...

i wasn't having the best of time in the ward

and someone made me feel like im the worst friend

for expecting my close friends to visit me

when im down, and needy

am i wrong?

my close friends! mind you!

i would die for these people

would they die for me?

i don't know...

song in my head

2011-09-17T18:07:00.003+08:00

right now its All We Are

coupled with Come Home

then Secrets

when you piece them together

im not sure why but ive been picking my guitar

only to put it down

i guess its true

that when a vision or dream dies

so do you

"eyes through a window"

its when you look out and you see people walking past

living their lives past you

doing their things

you feel forgotten

you feel neglected

"but everyone has their own life to lead"

true, and i guess its this point that ive got to behold

"lost, is this? "

yes, maybe, yes, i think so

this feels like it

i feel lost

"but what makes you feel so negatively?"

background perhaps, i guess ive been a very needy person

and for long ive tried to hide it

tried to ignore it

tried to live like im past it

but i cant

cause im it

and it takes more time to learn to let go

"why does disappointment come?"

did i expect too much? maybe

maybe expecting people to be there for me when i need them to be

is too much

maybe people arent as great as i thought they would be

maybe people aren't as perfect

i guess i felt hurt

disappointed

and then tried to make things right

"everyone wants to feel important to something or someone"

and i guess i did wanted to feel important to you

but giving thoughts these days

maybe my life started to revolve around you

but your life wont revolve around me right

i did so many things because i just wanted to see you smile

happy

loved

maybe a small part of me expected something in return

but i didnt knew better

and so each time i tried to give and give more

telling myself its okay not to recieve

its fair, you've mentioned

but this is just so

upsetting

mixed

rojak

maybe

2011-09-17T01:11:00.001+08:00

maybe im just dreaming out loud

closer to the edge?

2011-09-15T23:04:00.003+08:00

"in the wrong place trying to make it right

im tired of just did fine"

so day 4 with my legs unavailable

guess it went pretty decent

alot of pain in the knees today though

so i had alot of trouble getting up

sometimes pain deter you

and i felt so depressed and discouraged by it

that i just wanted to lie in bed

dormant

some people just think they are doing the right things

some are

" just because you are doing things right, doesn't mean you are doing the right things"

i wonder how long before my return

as it's yet another quiet day

so goodnight world

and i leave you this picture

my favourite dessert in hong kong

quick to apologise

2011-09-15T00:33:00.003+08:00

very often we see things from a one way point of view

but this time i tried a third person-esque

but i couldnt help but not blame and forgive myself

for behaving and acting this way

but what i should have done

was not to blame but forgive others

i heard just, that the speed of your apology

is determined by the strength of your heart

love is quick to apologise and admit fault

but being the first to, i feel so stupid

i now regret what i've said

and i feel things are being taken for granted again

almost immediately

i look at myself from a third person-esque

can i really blame myself for this?

"i have my reasons"

2011-09-14T19:20:00.002+08:00

"I have my reasons"

"sure you do"

but how often are those 'reasons'

actually reasons?

what sets apart a reason from an excuse?

"when there's a will, there's a way"

God taught me this whilst i was on the hospital bed

that when someone has the will to want to do something

he/she will find a way, no matter what to do it

and there, will always be a way

so if there was 'no way' it could have been done

was there 'no will'?

when there's no will

is there love?

"when you love only when it's convenient, you only love convenience"

people who love cause its on the way

im sorry, you loved yourself more

it's so heart wrenching when people don't know your ordeal

even more so when people do, but they don't appear

desperate cries heard but by a few

desperate cries attended to by one or two

"i just want you to know i still care for you"

its becoming incredibly harder to believe by the day

and just because im strong

doesn't mean im not weak

come home

the fight for you is all i've ever known

thisappointed

another day is another chance

2011-09-14T19:16:00.001+08:00

another day

is another chance

for a disappointment

for a heartbreak

i really am not sure who you are anymore

im not sure if i do know you all anymore

another empty promise

why do you do so?

silence is better than an empty promise

"maybe you expect too much"

I think needing my closest friends here with me

when i am at my neediest

is not expecting too much?

after all, when it's them

i try my best to be there for them

are these all lies?

i can't believe it.

disappointment in entertainment

2011-09-11T19:09:00.001+08:00

How do you contain a disappointment?

It just suddenly seems like everything's an entertainment

that what's not real is what is real

and what's real isn't

nothing is permanent, everything is temporary

so if this is an entertainment,

how do you contain a disappointment?

you

2011-09-06T22:23:00.001+08:00

There's always something
In the way
There's always something
Getting through
But it's not me
it's You

Sometime's ignorance
Rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
Not in me
It's in You

It's all I know

And I find peace
When I'm confused
I find hope when
I'm let down
Not in me
But in You

I hope to lose myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
It's You
It's all I know

deceit

2011-08-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

have i been lying to myself

or have i been lying to you

im lost

confused

i need to get back right out

get back right up

whats on ur mind ethan

what has become of you

why is all this happening?

So sad, so tired

2011-08-13T00:08:00.001+08:00

So sad, So tired

its gone

2011-08-11T23:43:00.002+08:00

one moment youre here

the next, youre gone

i never really thought we would separate so fast bestie

youre gonna chase your dream

so be fast and be gone

but you know i'll miss you

i'll treasure our 13years of friendship

i cry when i think about your decision

so sudden and so hard to accept

but i guess i kinda got used to you and your antics

youre a friend i will never find again

i hope we meet somewhere

maybe UK, maybe sydney

maybe back in hong kong again like the past

what do i do now

with

this

sudden

loss

best we ever had

2011-08-03T13:36:00.002+08:00

the older i get

will i get over this

its been way too long

for the times we missed

i wonder why do people

always try to plot against me

plot my downfall

scheme against me....

just what have i done?

i dont think i have done anything wrong

i think i've been myself

i have my problems and issues

and i need to settle those

but people...

people..

they just dont understand do they?

its a dog eat dog world out there

when youre the one down people question how true it is

people question your integrity

still im thankful to God

for a guardian angel

i need you ever so much now Lord

to pull through this

i already feel like giving up..

please please

help me

so many things

2011-07-31T00:27:00.001+08:00

so many things

the mind thinks it can achieve

so many things

you visualise happening

so many things

the human body says is impossible

so many things

that i want to do

so many things

that i cannot do

wish you were here

2011-07-27T23:36:00.002+08:00

life kind of suck

when you want someone to talk to

and the other person doesn't realise it

im going through a challenging time now

and i was just hoping for a little more response

you leave me hanging

and i dont like this feeling at all

i dont expect you to treat me the way i treat you

but at least trying to be there

when i need you, it matters

deleted,

ethan

2011-07-14T00:37:00.001+08:00

I can't help but think we're all getting older. I can't help but wonder did we all get better?

treasure

2011-07-12T00:19:00.002+08:00

what you treasure

life will eventually take from you

what you don't

you will lose it too

hope?

2011-07-10T23:16:00.002+08:00

hope that doesnt ever end

faith

it can move mountains

love

it can move hearts

hope

it can move yourself

but is it possible to have faith

and show love to someone

and hope for that person

to love you back?

what is the line

between reality and faith

where do we apply faith?

i never knew i would miss you this much

till you left

now im left wondering

have i been truthful with myself

and you?

david

i wish

2011-07-07T22:39:00.001+08:00

I wish i could write again

I wish i could talk again

I wish i could walk again

I wish i could love again

love a reason

2011-07-04T23:35:00.001+08:00

to give and get back in return

love is a reason

find a thousand excuses why you shouldnt be loved

and all i need is just one reason why u should be

and you will be

mundanity of the life ive led

physically same, but in the mind

its different all the time

never in the same mood

never in the same zone

always something different in my mind

someone different

again we talk about the lack of feeling important

and the insecurities i keep

i need to know i matter

cause you do

does this matter at all?

to love it does

for love is a reason

a reason

for you

why

2011-06-16T20:28:00.002+08:00

why is it that no one ever asks me

how do you feel about this?

just because im strong,

it doesnt mean im not weak

why do people assume that i will be alright with it

why

patience

2011-06-13T18:56:00.003+08:00

Cause the scars run so deep
It's been hard but I have to believe
Just have a little patience

Cause I
Need time
My heart is numb, has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little patience.

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
The one that I can always depend.

I'll try to be strong
Believe me I'm trying to move on
It's complicated but understand me.

wish you were here

2011-06-09T01:03:00.002+08:00

what i would do to have you here

i wish you were here

you know im sick of being discouraged by my family

being called the black sheep

being called the peacebreaker

firestarter

thorn in the flesh

odd one out

wish-you-werent-here

we-would-be-happier-without-you

i wish i could tell someone about this dark secret

i wish you were here sis

"i treasure you alot

because you are who my family can never be to me"

sad

track records

2011-06-07T23:25:00.002+08:00

"i've been hating track records recently"

"track records

kinda suck doesnt it"

"its human nature"

"well i guess so then"

"i guess we've all got to stop feeling sorry for ourselves"

Tough decisions

2011-06-05T02:06:00.002+08:00

"He who decides, decides the battle."

- myself

i've had to make two decisions this week

and it was tough

not easy

and its taking a toll on me

i feel like breaking

giving up

falling

but its all part of growing up

being a man

so man up dude

stop bitching

start taking responsibility

im thankful for Jo in these times

sis you may not know

but you were my assurance

now for life after

can i?

Ethan

Cant believe it would hurt

2011-05-29T21:49:00.002+08:00

the walls between

you and me

i had a bad day last wednesday

its been so long since i last felt so alone

so vulnerable, so tired, so worn out

pushed around, stepped on

and i guess i expected from you

something different

and i got disappointed

thursday was tight

and i knew u were going through something

so i asked if you were alright

still you said all was okay

if you didnt know

i couldnt rest for a few days

thinking about our words

ive been drowning myself out

now you make me feel like giving up

you made me feel like i cant hold on to anything

and im starting to think youre right, right or not

i guess im that useless

still im thankful for joann

you lent such a great listening ear

a shoulder to support

its been so long since we last had a talk as deep as this

and im happy to know i mean something to you

cause it means something to me

im thinking what have we missed out on since our last meet in march

i know times have been tough for you, as for me

and im sorry i couldnt be there mostly

i hope you understood wad i meant on thurs

i poured my heart out that day

and im not sure if you really saw the tears in my eyes

those were heartwords

i still cant believe how much it would hurt

when you said things like that J

it wasnt you

it was a self-realisation

and im utterly disappointed with myself

i feel let down

by oneself

will i get over this

the older i get?

i dont know

sigh

ethan

Words

2011-05-20T19:28:00.001+08:00

Words were said
Things were done
I wonder how it will all add up

Never had I been so nervous
Heart pounding
Head sweating

I mean wad I've said
From the bottom of my heart
That I'm true

Falling in

2011-05-17T18:37:00.001+08:00

Been awhile since my comp is down, glad my iPad came earlier so I can talk to you.

You might know not, but I'm very happy each time I talk to you on fb chat

In fact I log in regularly At work, hoping to " bump into you "

Maybe my feelings are starting to show, that I'm longing for you more and more.

Muffin my dear, you know I miss you.

" every time I see your face my heart takes off on a high speed chase, now don't be scared it's only love, baby that we're falling in"

Love,
Ethan

words from a love, of love, to a love

2011-05-10T20:17:00.000+08:00

God's love in a person, will never shine beyond his pride.

and sometimes the most innocent, yet unsaved, has the open-est of heart

and God's love can reach you through them

for we are all but creations of his mighty hands

love the strong, love the weak even more

cause sometimes the meekest is the strangest of them all

for God turns up where no man will

in the strangest form, that we'll never conceal

God's love is everywhere touching you

through the beauty of creations, and the imperfections

and you are loved my dear

because you are His Love

you bring me tears of joy
you bring me pain sometimes
you made me laugh
you made me cry
you made me smile
you made me frown
you made me love
you loved me back
you are God's love in my life
you are my home
for my home is where my heart is
and my heart is in you

falling in

2011-05-07T02:09:00.000+08:00

i was falling away

but now im falling in

you

girl youre all

2011-05-05T23:36:00.003+08:00

i found myself Stumbling upon a space today

i am constantly going back to it

cause each time i do

i find you

to a very special someone in my life

i now know i need you

and i am sorry

i love you

when two birds left my cage

one seemed so briefly introduced

one so intimately encased

i felt life leave me

and i thought it was the pretty new aviary cutie

i thought i lost a chance in life

but i think now i realise

it wasnt that bird, but the other

the one who has always been here for me

for the past 1year

the one who understands me so well

for the last many months

the one whom ive known for 7years

i didnt realise who was on the train

cause i kept looking out

and now i truly regret it

is it too late?

ive been a fool

and now

i know for sure

i'll be a fool for you

i wish i could have you back here

so i could hug you

i wish we could go to oz together

so i could look after you

muffingal

youre one i love

gingerbreadboy

and some pasts..

2011-05-03T23:14:00.004+08:00

when our love seems to fade away

some pasts

we are afraid to revisit

for we fear the feelings

some pasts

we are afraid to encounter

for we fear the same mistake

some pasts

we are afraid to be reminded of

for we fear the shame and regret

some pasts

we wished we could erase

for we fear the nightmares

some pasts

we wished we could silence

for we regret the words that we spoke

some pasts

we wished we could have re-did

for we still consider the alternative

and yet

some pasts

we wished could have lasted forever

for it was so beautiful

some pasts

we wished we could re-live again

for the moment was perfect

some pasts

we wished we could remain in

for someone dear have left us

some pasts

are

beautiful

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

today i spent time soul-searching

going through all my past memories

of all the promises i made to them

yet i could not keep

the heartbreaks that i caused

the truths that became lies

because i didnt hold on

all those harrowing experiences

i was scared to break another heart again

especially these

one so young, so naive, so innocent

easy trusting, so pure

so new

one so tough, yet so fragile

so beautiful, yet with scars

im so close to, yet 5229miles away

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i went through photos of all the good times i had

the tough times

and i realised how fast time flies

it has already been a year since i came to n182

so much memories i had

especially the times i had before i enlisted

with great friends like guan jie

joann leong

janis leong

melvin lye

eliza gan

aaron ling

eujean lee

people who walked with me through my tough times

saw my weaknesses

taught me, held me

i fear the time that is to come

when i fly

david

faith and hope down the telescope

2011-04-27T22:46:00.001+08:00

you wont find faith or hope

down the telescope

strangers

2011-04-23T23:21:00.001+08:00

find me a friend that doesn't care

and i'll find you a stranger

find me a friend that bothers

and i'll find you a lover

how

2011-04-21T00:12:00.002+08:00

very often we look at others

their families

their careers

their relationships

and we feel happy for them

yet sad for us

sometimes jealous

sometimes envious

how to be happy with what you have:

a. Be thankful

b. Be Grateful

i need to be happy with what i have

cause i have what many wont have

stop & start

2011-04-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

Maybe i should stop swimming

and start sinking

If only you bothered

2011-04-19T22:57:00.003+08:00

if only someone bothered to understand

i watched a show

about special people

it said

"Nothing in this world cannot be be done

unless you refuse to do it"

i talked about the topic of open arms

imagine the both of us with it

when i needed a hug i ran to you

but when you needed a hug

you either ran away

close up when i ran to you

or i had to run to you to hug you

not sure what youre even thinking

it makes me so disappointed

that time after time

these have to happen

to remind me once again

that humans are imperfect

i dont know how to speak

dont know how to react

dont know what to do

dont know where to go

i realised the warning signs

still i took no heed and went ahead

giving my all as always

loving and caring ahead

i really wondered

if people have ever tried understanding me

do i look all that happy outside

or do i have to show how i really feel

for people to realise

i am happy to have you all

but my question is this

are you all happy to have me?

no one reads this much anymore

and you guys claim you want me

claim im all that important

claim im a great friend

effort

was

the

spoken

word

did anyone bothered to understand me?

did you try to make an effort to understand me?

im so sick of withdrawing and coming back again

with pocketful of love and hope

and retreating once again with burnt fingers

and butter all over my face

i want to face up to this and learn from it

my birthday wish

does anyone remember?

does age play such a big gap?

am i such a toy?

am i dispensable in your eyes?

i dont even ask for a thank you

all i ask for

response

a response

is it so tough to find that within you?

maybe i gave too much

i advanced too far

i approached too quickly

but you never told me

this is who i am

and im proud to be

i have friends who i can call UPON when im down

but i dont have friends who call UNTO me when im down

it makes me feel like im such a lousy friend

i have my weaknesses

but people around me

wearing masks

taped mouth

refusing to let me know

its so frustrating

try being me

another one

you were upset??

you were sick??

was i not?

was i not upset?

did i not give?

did you?

yet you chose to view things negatively

talk about being the part of the brain

its so disappointing

that im so naive

to think life

could be

perfect

after

all

maybe ive not been such a good friend

maybe my expectations were over

maybe this

maybe that

but what is the solution

if you dont even care at all

please try

think

the

other

party

next time

you try to or not

RESPOND

never saying

David.

open arms

2011-04-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter

run back into open arms

made our choice

2011-04-17T21:15:00.003+08:00

Made our choice

trial by Fire

we tried to seek an alibi

an excuse

so as to avoid

so as to escape

unresponsiveness

has no difference

from putting someone down

from belittling them

hope deferred makes the heart sick

and i placed so much hope

but time again i feel nonreciprocal

is this a stony ground

or simply just the tiling

still i choose to love and to give

to sow not demanding to reap

because what i wanna do is to love

to be a reflector of the love of God

I've asked myself whether I've been too pro-active

too giving and too caring

too excited and too enthusiastic

too blind and too mute

too dumb

but I told myself No

because this is what love is all about

giving at the expense of oneself for the benefit of another

for without sacrifice there is not love

and without love, there is no loving back

so today i prayed for a valley experience

an all-consuming fire

a breaking move

just so i can get closer to you

basically

a trial by fire

cause thats where i feel alive

Love

still

David

because this is

2011-04-12T00:51:00.000+08:00

because this

love

laugh

2011-04-12T00:29:00.001+08:00

He who laughed last didnt laugh the best

he caught the joke last, thats all

i just want you to know, sis

that you are not alone

All we Are

2011-04-08T01:11:00.002+08:00

All We Are

I tried to paint your picture

the colours were all wrong

black and white didnt fit you

I had to post this so late

1 am

cause its been on my heart and mind

for awhile now

and as painful as it is

i have to let go

i cant hold on any longer

take it that i failed you

perhaps time and again

We won't say our goodbyes

You know its better this way

we won't break, we won't die

its just a moment of change

all we are, all we are

is everything that's right

all we need, all we need

A lover's alibi

And thats what we don't have

it wasn't an easy decision

but it had to be done

and i can't drag it any longer

but to another:

im surprised you know me

who im like

why i do what i do

why i say what i say

i'm really shocked

amused

bemused

excited

ecstatic

amazed

but lets see

Off on the road again,

David

the need

2011-04-03T20:43:00.002+08:00

the need

i cant find the words to say

and somethings i shouldnt have i did

but yet i shouldn't worry

yet i shouldn't be anxious about

i have to leave it all up to God

and trust in Him and my parents

dont be afraid

i realise i feel too sorry for myself

when i try to compare my position in people's lives

against others

and i shouldn't, because im different

and im special

there are no replacements

only displacements

i need to learn how to have more trust in myself

in the people around me

in God too

i need to learn to let go

so i can hold on to more

im like a gymnast holding onto my bar,

refusing to swing to the next

i need to tone down

relax

and be more calm

more composed

keep my mind on the track

and i really miss the hug of someone

the comfort

the love

ethan

L.O.V.E

2011-03-30T23:03:00.000+08:00

L.O.V.E

never easy...

words cannot express my thoughts now

i just need you to talk to

Thank You

2011-03-29T23:24:00.001+08:00

Thank You

broken

2011-03-19T09:52:00.003+08:00

broken

Dont try to fix what's not broken

i think thats what God would say

change in our life is imminent

for the better most of the times

at times for the worse

when people want us to change

do they want us to better

or to conform?

when you desire change in something that's broken

thats bettering ourself

but when others want change in something thats not

thats conforming us

we are all made different

love yourself

youre special

sure certain parts of our character and personality needs to be changed

but those that dont need to

dont touch it

dont try to fix what's not broken

remain who you are

i love you that way.

david

time to

2011-03-13T20:31:00.002+08:00

its time to man up

to the consequences

of the decisions i have made

black friday

couldnt have been any worse

guess neither of you knew what i was going through

it was hard to

but i admitted to two things that day

confessed to two truths

i have never ever told anyone

that i liked her before

its the first time

mind

2011-03-10T12:27:00.000+08:00

who played you out?

your mind did

who told you to give up?

your mind did

who told you you're not good enough?

your mind did

did mind force you to?

no it didnt.

tipping point

2011-03-07T00:47:00.001+08:00

"What sayeth you?"

"What thinketh you?"

tipping point

for

cause

R.E.V.E.L.A.T.I.O.N

If you were there

2011-03-05T09:13:00.001+08:00

on a day like this

even the sunshine feels cold

where all the people gather

to say their prayers

decked out in suits and ties

veil covering their eyes

side by side they stood in silence

then came the rain

poured onto the earth

black umbrellas stick out

into the sky

nothing was ever broken

perhaps just dreams and hope

as they wake up to a slumber

so long

If you were there

I swear i'll never let you go

into the earth

if you were there

surrendering your will to live

i wont forsake you

when troubles come your way

i'll never leave you

if darkness fills your days

i'll light it up for you

im glad i can only say

if you were there

when the word was said

the book was closed

people threw their roses into the grove

round and round they spun

lowered into the ground

each step deeper brings tears to the heart

i hope i find myself

2011-02-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

maybe

but i hope i find myself

cause the most amazing thing is

David

beauty queen of only twenty

2011-02-20T22:18:00.003+08:00

i dont know whats been happening recently

but coming from where ive been before

it feels like foundation is missing

and therefore apparent

please dont try so hard to say goodbye

the feeling of giving up on myself is coming again

i need to stop being double minded

if i have already made up my mind

i should go the distance

all the way

i failed to see many things

but now i want to

i didnt make use of the chance

now im regretful

we both know love

is not built on feelings

but by every single effort we make

to notice each other

she will be loved

-maroon 5

Ethan

ran away

2011-02-15T22:47:00.002+08:00

so i ran away

i ran away today

with my mind

and all it had was you on it

It's been awhile since i last ran

felt such an urge to do so today, so i followed suit

and it was breathtaking

all i had was You on my mind

confessing and correcting my mind

i realised i had alot of re-wiring to do

my mind's been programmed poorly for awhile now

what jeremy said is right

"Ben, i felt over the years, your low self-esteem has pulled you down alot

but i know and i believe in you, that one day you will make it big,

you have so much ideas, the world has not seen"

his words woke me up

is it so that throughout all the past years

i have been lying to myself

true it!

i have been dealing with a low self-esteem for long now

and it was only recently that i gotten out of it

but there i discovered, i still had rejection in side of me

i reject myself

and so i always think others also do

when they do not reply a message or call

or are not that

or that they dont agree

i always felt rejected

it was only recently

through a book

through 2 sermons

through 3 songs

that God woke me up and say

"hey son, its time to wake up and go to work"

i have been letting so many things slip by over the years

because of my self-rejection

and so many people slipped by

people asked if i have lost my senses

when i tell them about my plans

no, i havent lost them, if any, i found them back

why should it be IMPOSSIBLE to achieve something

when you preach possibilities?

i dont believe this cant be done

i dont believe this is impossible

i have faith and trust, in myself, God and you

its time i stop sitting back feeling sorry

and start standing up

chasing after you

David

bear with me

2011-02-14T23:36:00.003+08:00

never a day like today

it'll go down into my books

as something that i never done before

ive never sent anyone anything

anything like this, anywhere like this

i really wonder how it'll go from here

i guessed i looked pretty silly today

wondering whether it will get delivered

whether you will recieve it

whether you would like it

i feel like a kid today again

i guessed ive missed this experience

and its the first time i feel this way

i meant those words on the card

but i still cant see what your true response is

still i'll take the chance and trust in you

would you give me a chance?

Ethan

hold my heart

2011-02-14T00:26:00.002+08:00

sara bareilles

hold my heart

by far the most beautiful song in 2011

it speaks so much

so subtle

so simple

so true

i realised that the two most important keys

on a keyboard

are enter, and backspace

so what if we have thought(typed)

and not do(Enter)

And if we have thought of something

but not be able to make a choice not to act it(Backspace)

what good is it?

so many things i wish i could say

Ethan

the mind

2011-02-13T03:12:00.002+08:00

its probably one of the most powerful thing in the world

the mind

can dictate your actions and outcomes

control of the mind

is necessary

to stop

the

negative

jazz

2011-02-10T00:29:00.002+08:00

"How do you leave and stay at the same time?"

she asked

"The heart is bigger than a person"

"it can touch where no hands can touch"

"it can reach where no arms can reach"

"it can speak what no mouth can say out"

"it can hear what no ears can pick up"

"It can feel what no skin nor nerves can feel"

"leaving is physical, and so is staying"

"but knowing that you belong always in our heart"

"is how you stay and leave at the same time"

I answered

I just got this sudden inspiration

a revelation of the human heart

that no science and explain nor fathom

distance is physical

a person is physical

but his presence need not be

its what you allow into your life

to be with you

its how much you let me affect you

sight

important

so is touch

i guess thats why many fail the long distance

but if you could wait

then i will wait

because belief in the future

is what i can assure

that im not like the rest

im not just a man of sweet words

i do my best to keep to my words

unless something comes in the way

then i will have to go my way

if you want

now dont take this the wrong way

light-heartedness

is what keeps the conversation alive

communication

is what keeps friendship alive

David

control

2011-02-10T00:28:00.002+08:00

Minds

Hearts

Spirit

keep as one

keep my head clear

keep my heart pure

keep my spirit cleansed

to have the right intentions

displaying the right actions

expecting the right emotions

so sad

2011-02-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

i came across this old photo

and i feel so sad and so sorry

that many arent here anymore

i miss them

its all about

2011-02-08T23:03:00.003+08:00

i guess the night ended sweeter than expected

its all about expectations

putting trust into

faith

hope

i hear you when you speak

2011-02-08T22:04:00.001+08:00

i like it when people speak their hearts out

without holding back

i find them trustworthy

i find they make great friends

Joy

2011-02-06T03:30:00.002+08:00

so what exactly is joy?

Joy seems to be very much linked to praise

from what i see in the Bible

ive felt for awhile now

that ive lost the Joy of the Lord

but ive been praising

how come?

i think i know why

praising is not just an action

but an attitude

ive not been praising in my heart

im sorry God

ive lost it

now,

can i find it?

and goodbye ms rabbit

i hope to meet you soon

david

with or without you

2011-02-03T03:39:00.002+08:00

a passing stranger in Yokohama

strangers

they come by and they go

yet some still take away something from us

and they give something back

we may never meet again

but yet we hope we do

we may never speak again

yet we hope we do too

it doesnt matter if i come along or not

it doesnt matter if you come along or not

yes we do lose, but yet we win

we may never know the life that's ahead of us

some are like a passing breeze

some are like whirlwinds that turns us upside down

and some linger

like that of a starlight

you gave me so much thought and hope

aspirations and directions

God-given, i will let You choose

whats meant to be, will be

what is not meant to be, will not be

life goes on

with or without you

lets see if we ever meet again

till then, nothing's concrete

Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

finally,

it took me this long to discover the meaning of this song

with or without you

by u2

David