suddenly....

I couldn’t come up with any words.

I really did not know I’d see you again.

and suddenly

everything changes

theres a hesitation about me now

and thats so different from the past

i think twice

i think more

dark side of the moon

to have and to hold

to have and to hold

to lose and let go

the decisions we make

some too many

some too little

some too rash

some too slow

some we regret

some we are glad

the hard part is not letting them go

it's holding on to myself

differences

"differences, it brings us together

yet it takes us apart"

crossroads

decision time

always

Always remember this

"she may mean nothing to somebody,

but to someone else, she could be everything"

it's cold

it's cold

and been awhile

since i typed an entry

since then ive been living my life well

so thank you if youre asking

i feel so much lesser pressure now

lesser stress and more able to concentrate on my work

and treating my friends right

and being happy

today i met up with someone

its so quirky how you grew up with someone

but almost forgot her existence

i thought so it would be weird at first

but as things started rolling on

i found so much similarities between us two

in fact its strangely too much

and how time flies when we try to catch up 20 years

in 4 hours

youre so big hearted and so warm

to welcome me as someone at all

i can see our similar struggles

our similar personalities

and i remember the promise we made

im still shocked how something my sister did when we were young

could have split up the time we could have had

indeed what we do now, affects the future alot

what we say, affects someone a long way

the funny part is our life being parallel, but not crossing at all

its so strange but true

i may have found a soulmate in you

in any case, chase your dream and fly the skies

to my long lost "friend"

=)

Had Enough

tired of barely holding on

2011 is finally gone

the year has come to a close

as 2011 took its final bow

and the curtains drew

lights went off

maybe what pastor said is right

that i expect too much of people

but my buddies feel that i do that only because

i too, give alot to my friends

and hence i expect alot of them

maybe then its about standards

that i set high standards for someone to be my friend

i dont see the black and white

its all but grey to me

2011 showed me many things

that family, above all, is the important

my so called church family

couldnt even stand when the storms came

and they have the cheek to want me back?

so many things have changed in this past 1 year

that i got to know my true close friends

are those who linger on, even when the times are bad

who are available almost all the time

to lend you a helping hand or a listening ear

pastor mentioned im not the only one disappointed

im not the only one going through this

then why is all this happening and no one is stopping it?

because human, in no way, can ever be perfect

in 2012 i just want to savour my time left here

with my closest of friends

and meet the right people

who would appreciate what i do and what i give

i have only 13months left before i head for studies

9months before i ORD

im stoked

im excited

that this year 2012 is gonna be awesome

i need to keep this bright mindset

and i need to find God again

but i need time

and i know God you will allow

i had enough of them

it's been a while

mind is running empty

in the search for myself

i guess its right

that i adore freedom

and i cant lose myself anymore

in the midst of busyness, in the midst of lies

ive been trying to find myself

but i find myself constantly lost

many things have happened

i feel so disconnected from the world

and i cant wait to get back right out into it

i feel like an astronaut

and its been far too long

i cant wait to find reason

to find purpose

to find life

to love

i dont believe in the one anymore

no, not anymore is there a right one

its an ocean out there

of trials and error

experiments

Its you

its you

why's it always you

i suddenly felt so insecure

so lonely

so torn

when i felt like my best friend had left me

again

what am i up to

sigh

jar of hearts

and who do you think you are

running round leaving scars

collecting your jar of hearts

and tearing love apart

dont come back for me

dont come back at all

i suddenly understood something

the heart blocks out what hurts

it makes your mind forget memories

and mind you, happy memories can be painful

when you realise they were all built on lies

you all had me on lies

so dont expect me back at all

leave me alone

please

Ethan